Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Dealing with yourself after you’ve had a baby! Melt down moments and how to cope with them

I’m useless
I should be able to cope
All other mothers can do it
I’m useless – I’m getting nothing done
I resent this crying, sleep depriving thing!… I want my old life back when I was in control.

When a child is born a mother is born – the woman may have existed before but not the mother. 

We live in a very controlled world.  We like things to be ordered, sorted, boxed and most importantly completed.

Society and our collective thought patterns are focused on working toward goals…. I bet all of you have been thinking, about getting through the birth….but have any of you considered what it will be like after the labour and the hours and days and weeks afterwards?

Have you considered it?

Acceptance of the new situation – the new you!
This is a big challenge for some, because you probably have such high expectations of yourself that you don’t even know you have yet!

Creating and giving birth to a baby – being a mother (and father) is going to be the most mind bending change your body and mind will ever go through.  You will never be the same again.
You are broken down, and you will learn a whole new you, a whole new way of being…. YOU WILL BE REBORN and you will learn and develop as your baby grows. It will be a crazy, fantastic, scary, unsettling, completely insane but utterly liberating experience.

But you have to let it happen …. You have to accept the new you or you will forever fight it and that is a burden you just don’t need to carry.

This is very easy to say but in reality it is very hard to do.

Society doesn't encourage it.  “What have you done today?”  Inevitably your mind will say “nothing, I’ve done nothing”… and this will be the beginning of your struggle with what you think you SHOULD have done.  But I want to unpick that with you….

Parenting is a job…. Changing nappies, smiling, cooing, singing, holding, sleeping with your baby is doing something.  You are mothering your baby, you are making it feel loved, you are bonding, learning, understanding, growing with your baby and that is the most important and urgent thing for you to do.  Your role as a mother is the thing you need to focus on.

Baby time – baby’s generally don’t have a set list of things to do in a day or a schedule to fulfill  they just live each moment as it comes, enjoy (or not) each experience as it comes, they aren't planning the next moment or worrying about the last one and this is a great lesson that you can learn from your baby.  
All things must change – Everything changes moment by moment, for better or worse but NOTHING IS CONSTANT so you won’t have this moment continuously, it will go.  This is a great thing to keep in mind when things are tough…. ALL THINGS MUST CHANGE…. Nothing is the same forever so no matter how bad it gets (or indeed how good it gets) it will change.

This is just a short time relative to your whole life that you have been given to enjoy and live through…. So grow, be in it don’t fight it because you will waste your precious energy on something you can’t change and it won’t be here forever.